I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
