Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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