never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
