I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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