I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
