I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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