Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
