Pants 0. Shit 1.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
