She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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