I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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