You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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