I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
