what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
