then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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