she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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