guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
