I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
even my farts smell like vagina
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
