I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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