Princesses don't give blow jobs
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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