after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
