barbara walters just said penis...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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