just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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