I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
