It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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