We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
