I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
