This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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