end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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