I heard we made out
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
