When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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