Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
