Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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