Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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