I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
