i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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