On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
