No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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