You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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