i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This is my gift to your gina
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
