The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Please don't give away my fajitas
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
