**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
