Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
