you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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