yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
