my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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