Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
