OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
