Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
