Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
