if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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