I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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