I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
