Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
bring money and cleavage
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
