put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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